Conversely, have you ever been completely
by yourself and had no greater desire than to join the masses of humanity in a
joyous celebration of existence?
Welcome to my world - where loneliness is
detested for its absences and company is despised for its
contents. Never content, always wishing that you were in the opposite of your
current state.
The more necessitates my state, either
solitude or companionship, the more my spirit wishes to rebel from its
confinements and constrictions. I have no answers to these questions. How to be
satisfied in the moment without seeking pleasure merely to comfort? How to be
content with my state and cease worrying, to forget the future, to stop
criticizing but inspire the present. How does one avoid nostalgia and reminisce
the glories of the faded, vanished, irretrievable past?
Most people even moderately well
acquainted with Biblical teaching will avow the common phrase by Paul, “with
whatsoever state I am in, therewith to be content.” The process is simple:
follow God’s will, and you’ll be happy with where you are in life. You’ve “put
aside childish things” and embraced the calling you were created for (Philippians 4:11).
How uninspiringly unhelpful that quote is
when one has neither faith in that god nor desire to do according with “His”
wishes. That book also says that “He” was “scored and rejected by men.” Were
not other men hated by their fellows?
Am I to reach surrender to this teaching
or embrace the multiplicity of others – current or ancient – and gamble away a
suspected spirit, a supposed soul on eternity of the flesh, eternity as a spirit,
reincarnation, or decomposition to nothingness?
I seek only contentment “in whatsoever
state I am.” If this inclines me to the Christian God, I may curse my culture,
my parentage, my religious influences, but that is what I choose. If I
surrender the controls of my life to a higher power, just as police in the high
speed chase of life rely on their helicopter to report the movements of their
goal which remains far out of their eyes’ sight, that empowered deity may yet
steer me as necessary. I still retain the ability to redirect my course, take
an early exit, switch lanes, back track, or simply use my brakes.
However, I seek only contentment. If I
relinquish control, may I find refuge?
__
Agatha Tyche
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