Man's Best Friend

     "Man is a social animal." ~ Aristotle
     Perspective is necessary to weigh any aspect of life. Hermits, recluses from interactive relations with others, have been frowned on in nearly every culture for very similar reasons. The ancient Greeks held hermits as social outcasts called idiota, meaning "idiot," because those people refused to participate in the democratic society. This reveals the selfishness of hermithood. While one might be cordial enough in a chance meeting in the world, he will not seek familiarity or commitment on your behalf. Alternatively,
a hermit must depend solely on his own resources and abilities. Physical mishaps may cost him his life since no one will be able to rescue him or aid him at his return home.
     Robinson Crusoe is a famous example of a hermit. However, in his decades abroad, he trained animals as loyal friends to keep his sanity and is eventually able to capture one of the cannibals and train him into a companion. Alone, stranded, and with his hope of rescue the only constant companion, Robinson stretches the boundaries of human sanity in his isolated adventures.
     What then is a friend that a man should look for? The purpose can be fulfilled by any human being: mental connection, emotional satisfaction, and physical aid when necessary. In this broad sense anyone you meet has the potential to be a friend. While the modern world has lost some of this desire for connectivity, news stories constantly run on the generosity a stranger showed someone in need.
     What of those people we are closest to? The ones that read our emotions and minds without any words? The ones that are able to predict our reactions to events, cater to our preferences, and share our most intimate secrets? Most people desire at least one person in their life that they can be completely open with if for no other reason than to thrust out their opinions and express their desires of life. What then separates a "best" friend from the every day interactions with our unacquainted fellow man?
     A best friend is, first and always, loyal to you whether or not he disagrees. The one you can count to listen to your idea first and critique it after you have put it forth, the one that does not turn away at the slander of others, and the one that defends your honor and reputation against those that seek to diminish it - this is the loyalty of a best friend that stands by you even if he disagrees with your view.
     Loyalty means nothing if it is blind and follows faithfully but without purpose. The truest friend is honest and straightforward. He is open in his disagreements and does not subtly maneuver to "stay on your good side." There is a time and place to be honest, and the best friend will not openly denounce you in public but will take you aside in a private moment and inquire into your motivations and logic. Rebuke is necessary with honesty, but with the openness that follows, it binds you all the tighter to one another despite the differences. Think of the differences as rough edges of your personalities that, when pressed against each other, produce friction that fuses the two pieces together. Honesty acts as mortar to cement those two pieces together into true friendship.
     If slander comes against your name, a best friend will staunchly defend you even against accusations that he has never heard before. This non-judgmental love and acceptance, regardless of the quality of a decision, provides that relationship its openness and trust. By acknowledging your weaknesses before each other, the trust binds you together. The acceptance and non-judgmental approach taken by friends of confidence allows the celebration of joys, the sympathy of mourning, the agreement of your rants, and a steady voice of thought to counter your bias and irrationality in the heat of the moment. It is the best friend that holds you back from a fight then rounds on the enemy and deals with it himself directly.
     The dependence formed by openness and trust links emotional states. However, the best friend, while sympathetic to your views, will never cease encouraging you. High morale and inspired spirits have allowed man to accomplish the greatest victories immediately following humiliating defeats. This consistent, supportive, and energetic support is a wonderful blessing of intimate friendship. He will be able to push you farther than you thought possible and force you to do better than you dreamed.

     A real friend never leaves, always supports, and balances your views with the outside commitments of his own. An outstanding and well illustrated example of amazing, true friendship is Samwise Gamgee to Frodo Baggins in The Lord of the Rings. Both the movies and books portray the intense loyalty Sam shows to Frodo as Frodo descends into the depression, anger, and selfishness that his trials force upon him. Sam is always, repeatably, and unwaveringly present to protect and support Frodo through the most intense struggles of life.
     Many other examples of faithful friendships resound from history and literature. Alexander to Hephaestion, Jonathan to David, Peter to Jesus, Tom Sawyer to Huckleberry Fin, or Saphira to Eragon. Don't selfishly lead your life to the repression and inconsiderate views of the idiota. Instead, share you abilities, passions, personality, and goals with others around you. Express yourself both through your actions and with your friends. The greatest gift in life is a good friend; be that friend to someone else.


    __    
Agatha Tyche

Futile Friendship?

     Before this age of instant communication, no easy means of distant contact was maintained. Letters were informative but could only contain so much and were delayed, often months, before reaching their recipient. Long distance communication became extremely problematic, especially for large empires. The War of 1812 between America and England could have been avoided had communication been faster. Britain had actually agreed to America's terms two days before America declared war, but a ship took more than a month to traverse the Atlantic. The declaration of war stood. Similarly, the war ended on December 24, 1814, but the last battle, with over 2,000 British casualties happened two weeks later on January 8, 1815.

     In these fast-paced, ever changing times, communication, like so much else, is taken for granted. Instant communication has almost become an annoyance and not so much a blessing. Today has little privacy, and if it takes you more than a few minutes to get back to someone, he will yell at you for ignoring him. On top of that, no one wants to live in his physical location. If I go out to dinner with friends, it's all I can do to keep everyone in one conversation instead of punching away on their phones to people that aren't there.
          Some of the problems of nonphysical communication remain - whatever medium you use. Today, insincerity seems to be one of the largest problems. Common phrases like "Catch you later!" and "We should hang out some time," are meant to convey fondness and intention to the other person. Sadly, these intentions are rarely followed up. Historically, words held power. The ancient Egyptians held the written word was so sacred and magical, that during the New Kingdom, they buried a scroll of The Book of Going Forth by Day (Book of the Dead) to protect and aid the deceased on their journey. As with so much else in life, words seem pitifully poor substitutes for real meaning. Even the treasured “on my word,” or “I swear,” holds no value in today’s society.

     Those catch phrases are never followed up with the promise they hold. If someone does follow up on them, it’s a very surprising feat coupled with the handicap of instant communication to everyone not with you at that time. Thus, while the letter of the promise was fulfilled, its reward remained insubstantial.

     Social networking is a terrific tool. As a college student, I can keep apace with activities on campus throughout the week, and during break and summer I can keep in contact with many of my friends. It’s wonderful to stay in touch with those you aren’t able to physically be with – thus the appeal of long distance communication initially. 

     The part that hurts me, as a generally amiable person, is when I reach out time and again to catch up with others only to be ignored or get a brief response such as “fine,” or “good.” All my energies seem wasted and unappreciated. I think, “Why bother? It wouldn’t have mattered that I inquired about them or not.”

     I begin to give up on people and slide back into myself, but every so often, when I remember someone’s birthday, ask how their sick mom is, how the test went, or if a major project of the semester went well, he’ll smile, answer, and thank me for remembering. My conclusion from these experiences is that putting the extra effort out there is what means anything. Anyone that can type can send an email to cheer someone up, but if you remember something about him specifically or go out of your way to physically say, "Hello," it provides that extra glue of friendship.

     People distance themselves from each other extraordinarily well these days, but they are still human and appreciate and cherish times when people take note and make them feel special for no other reason than being alive. Their ability to distance themselves coerces them to realize the extent of your energies in expressing sincerity.

     In conclusion be friendly to all despite cost or discomfort to youself. Make people smile, make them happy, and forget about your selfish needs for once.

"Buck up, old chap,"
Is what I say,
When ruinous times come my way.
Smile, now, and try again -
Writing's just out with your in.
Stir it up, recall what's gone.
Turn this sorrow into song.

   __    
Agatha Tyche